19 Comments
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Jay Allen Ford's avatar

The decision to address your younger self—and your own name—as both a distinct memory and a continuing presence inside you gives the piece an extraordinary intimacy. Framing the journey through the spelling of ‘Dominik’ with a ‘k’ and the reckoning at forty-four turns what could have been an internal reflection into a sacred, living contract with yourself.

The reference to Mickiewicz's 44 prophecy and Szymborska's 'Nothing can happen twice' woven into your own life story is stunning. Was referencing those cultural touchstones a conscious framework when you sat down to write, or did they surface naturally as you reached this milestone?

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Jay, good evening. Thank you for seeing it. It was conscious. I almost always weave Polish literature into what I write. It helps me name what resists naming. Sometimes in the open; more often underneath, in how the thinking moves. The reckoning is real. At forty-four the weight is coming off slowly. Small crises aside, I am at peace with myself, doing things I did not dream of two years ago. And the appetite is enormous, for who I can still become and for what I can still write. Thank you, with respect.

Dominic

Sara da Encarnação's avatar

“No one will ever harm you from within. Not even me.” Perhaps the most difficult promise anyone can make to the child he once was. This is not simply a memory piece, but an act of retrieval: the boy is not mourned, idealised or left behind; he is lifted onto the man’s shoulders and carried forward. And the cracked mirror is repaired without pretending it was never broken. Strong.

Hanna Pashnik's avatar

The shift from destroying yourself to taking responsibility for your own life is the hardest part of getting older. You managed to capture that turning point without turning it into a melodrama. The cracked mirror metaphor works because it’s practical: you glue what’s left, you acknowledge the seams, and you move on without expecting a complete reset.

Thank you for this text.

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Hi Hanna, you read the mirror the way I glued it. No ceremony. Glue and patience, seams left visible. Somewhere along the way I stopped calling that failure. Melodrama would have been the easier exit; responsibility is quieter and costs more. Thank you for standing at the turning point without looking away.

Dominic

Hanna Pashnik's avatar

Calling it a failure usually just marks an end to trying. Living with those visible seams feels so much more realistic - it’s simply choosing to keep going and building on top of that experience.

You’re right about responsibility being quieter and costing more, but it’s the only thing that actually keeps us moving forward. Thank you for this conversation, Dominic.

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Hanna, thank you for walking this thread to its quiet end. "An end to trying" - you named the real danger, and it was never the seams. I will say this openly: threads like this are my public therapy, running alongside the proper one, and what I received tonight from you and this community was catharsis. I feel great gratitude. It is part of how I keep going.

Dominic

Lisa Mac's avatar

Your writing always leaves me breathless.

"...the way you loved your jar of beetles, only now we open the lid."

What a beautiful image of the journey of boy to man.

Happy birthday, Dominic.

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Lisa, good evening. You come back to these pages, and coming back is worth more than praise on the day a thing is written. Thank you for the wish, and for reading the way you read. Both arrived on a day I had set aside to spend alone.

Dominic

Sunshine's avatar

This is so quietly powerful and deeply moving. The tenderness you show to your younger self, and the honesty in your reflections really stayed with me. Wishing you a gentle birthday, and a year filled with the kind of beauty and light you write about so well. Thank you for sharing this.

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Good evening, Sunshine. Thank you for the gentle wish. This text came from the place where counting turns exact, where the body sets the terms and gentleness is the only language it still accepts. The tenderness you name is what remains once everything louder has been taken from the table. Your light reached me this evening. I let it in. It helps with the counting.

Dominic

Anne | Drawn From Silence's avatar

This feels less like a birthday piece and more like an act of reconciliation. What stayed with me most was not the nostalgia, but the quiet promise to the child who never truly disappeared. “Loving is a skill” is one of those sentences that lingers long after the reading ends. Beautifully written. 🫀🪻

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Dear Anne,

You read the letter inside the essay. Reconciliation is the right word -I wrote toward the boy, and he answered by keeping still. That promise cost more than the candles. Thank you for standing at the door with me. The lilacs found you first. And yes - after the bad days, I needed this tenderness today. Your words came, and the tears came with them. I let them. Today I am at peace with him, we are together, and this birthday is unlike any other.

Thank you…

Dominic🥹

Anne | Drawn From Silence's avatar

Thank you, Dominic. It means a great deal to know the essay found its way to me as you intended. I’m truly glad that today you are at peace with him. May that peace stay with you long after your birthday. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece of yourself. 🫂

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Dearest Anne,

Today, for the first time in forty-four years, someone said my name the way my mother used to - and it was me. We are forty-four today. Thank you for being here - and for being in my life…

Dominic

Anne | Drawn From Silence's avatar

Ah, thank you, Dominic. Your words mean more than you know. I’m grateful our paths crossed, and even more grateful that your essay brought you to this place of peace. Happy birthday, to both of you. 🫀🫂

Jennie Diggins Way's avatar

This. It's exquisite. Thank you.

Quality of Becoming's avatar

Dear Jennie, thank you. Exquisite is a generous word for a text written with glue on my hands. I am glad it reached you whole.

Dominic