I heard versions of this throughout my childhood. Sit properly. Lower your voice. Don’t make a scene. It takes years to realise they weren’t teaching you manners. They were teaching you how to disappear politely…
You just finished the essay for me. They were teaching you how to disappear politely - the entire mechanism in one line. I would trade half my paragraphs for it.
The girl at the table sat in many childhoods. Thank you for confirming she was in yours - and for the years it took to stand up.
With gratitude for a reader who writes the author's missing sentence - Dominic🌻🌻
Geez. That line about the pardon printed for the other side of the table? Boys will be boys? That made me chuckle in that painful-recognition kind of way. Whoanelly, nailed it, I think. You're right that we swap tears for anger and call it fair and just. Bah I say. Thanks for writing this!
That painful-recognition chuckle is the one I write for. "Boys will be boys" is the shortest pardon ever printed, and we hand it across the table before the tears even dry.
Thank you for this beautifully honest piece. It resonates so deeply, the quiet, invisible rules that shape and limit us without ever being named. Your words remind me how important it is to reclaim the freedom to be fully ourselves, without apology or permission. This is a powerful invitation to embrace all the parts of ourselves that society tries to cage.
You named it well-the rules no one speaks are the ones that govern us longest. Naming them is the first act of unbecoming. After that, the cage is only a room with an open door.
At first when very young, I was shy, I was told to be more assertive… then I found my voice as a young woman, was praised, I was told I had “spunk”, then slooowly, after marriage, I was quietly reprimanded and ultimately punished for the same spunk. I’m still told “you’re so loud”, so the point is, nothing is good enough but now I DO NOT CARE.
You added the dimension my essay left out: time. The same spunk - commanded, then praised, then punished. When the verdict keeps changing for the same trait, the trait was never on trial. Obedience was.
A rule that moves cannot be satisfied, only ignored. Your capital letters do exactly that - I DO NOT CARE may be the most becoming sentence in this whole thread.
With gratitude for a voice that outlasted every verdict - Dominic 🌻🌻
I heard versions of this throughout my childhood. Sit properly. Lower your voice. Don’t make a scene. It takes years to realise they weren’t teaching you manners. They were teaching you how to disappear politely…
Hello,
You just finished the essay for me. They were teaching you how to disappear politely - the entire mechanism in one line. I would trade half my paragraphs for it.
The girl at the table sat in many childhoods. Thank you for confirming she was in yours - and for the years it took to stand up.
With gratitude for a reader who writes the author's missing sentence - Dominic🌻🌻
Dominic … You made me cry .. ❤️
Loved it. Especially for this Women were forbidden anger, men were forbidden tears
Hello Marcello,
You stopped at the line that carries the whole essay. Two bans, one result: generations fluent in only half of being human.
Grateful for eyes that read this closely - Dominic
Geez. That line about the pardon printed for the other side of the table? Boys will be boys? That made me chuckle in that painful-recognition kind of way. Whoanelly, nailed it, I think. You're right that we swap tears for anger and call it fair and just. Bah I say. Thanks for writing this!
Hello Mikey,
That painful-recognition chuckle is the one I write for. "Boys will be boys" is the shortest pardon ever printed, and we hand it across the table before the tears even dry.
Glad it landed where it lives - Dominic
Thank you for this beautifully honest piece. It resonates so deeply, the quiet, invisible rules that shape and limit us without ever being named. Your words remind me how important it is to reclaim the freedom to be fully ourselves, without apology or permission. This is a powerful invitation to embrace all the parts of ourselves that society tries to cage.
Hello Sunshine,
Thank you for reading so closely.🙏
You named it well-the rules no one speaks are the ones that govern us longest. Naming them is the first act of unbecoming. After that, the cage is only a room with an open door.
Grateful for readers who leave that door open.
- Dominic🌻🌻
At first when very young, I was shy, I was told to be more assertive… then I found my voice as a young woman, was praised, I was told I had “spunk”, then slooowly, after marriage, I was quietly reprimanded and ultimately punished for the same spunk. I’m still told “you’re so loud”, so the point is, nothing is good enough but now I DO NOT CARE.
Hello Helene,
You added the dimension my essay left out: time. The same spunk - commanded, then praised, then punished. When the verdict keeps changing for the same trait, the trait was never on trial. Obedience was.
A rule that moves cannot be satisfied, only ignored. Your capital letters do exactly that - I DO NOT CARE may be the most becoming sentence in this whole thread.
With gratitude for a voice that outlasted every verdict - Dominic 🌻🌻